I got some tea from Starbucks today and here is what it actually said on the back of the tea bag:

Boating down the Li River at dawn among ancient rock formations, many souls have contemplated their place in the universe with a cup of China Green Tips.

Are they serious? It has to be a joke. I can't imagine boating down the Li River and contemplating a universe where someone wrote that copy in earnest. Rather I imagine boating down the Li River and contemplating a universe where the pretentious mocha-scented bastards in charge of Starbucks' Yuppie harvesting program have been duped by goofy, grinning twentysomethings who have just passed off what they believe to be hilarity in the form of a tea packet blurb. Their hilarity is aroma therapy for the Starbucks executives.

So I know it has been a long since I last posted anything here on the blog. Not much has been going on. I have been working on a new design and format for the site (expect it up by the beginning of January). I have also been spending a lot of time back and forth between Rhode Island and New York. Jen and I are preparing for our Christmas celebration tomorrow where we will eat cinnamon buns and open presents. Then we go off to our respective families where we will have another Christmas celebration.

I probably won't update again until after Christmas where I will gleefully list the presents I received. If I'm not too busy spending the days after Christmas playing video games, that is.

Happy Holidays from all of us (read: me) at chefelf.com!

The Jehovah's Witnesses have been visiting me regularly for about two years now. I'm not going to sit here and make fun of them. That would be too obvious. I could just say something lame and predictable like: "Those damn Jehovahs! They always come over when you don't want them to come over! HAR! HAR! HAR! HAR!" I'm not going to do that.

I enjoy the Jehovah's witness guy. He just stopped by mere moments ago and we had, as we always do, a really pleasant chat. I like talking to the Jehovah's Witness guy. He's a really educated guy. He has interesting things to say and we are always able to talk about politics and current events. We're pretty much on the same page except for one small detail: I will never believe what he believes. There's no chance of it. No matter how much he talks about it, it just isn't going to happen.

One thing that particularly surprised me today was that he mentioned Jesus's brothers and sisters. Wow. I had no idea that the Jehovah's Witnesses believed in that. It's amazing to me that the Jehovahs--who are the butt of so many jokes--can be so much more progressive than other Christian Religions.

So, in short, it is fun talking about the War in Iraq and Adolph Hitler with some strange, mustachioed man that comes to my door once a month. I hope these days last forever!

My car had some issues the other day. For about two years the internal lights and digital odometer would not work. This is pretty annoying and changing the fuse would only solve the problem for about three or four minutes until it blew again.

Two years was enough and I decided to take it to a mechanic, one that specialized in car electrical issues. I have no idea why when it comes to wiring up an Xbox I have no trouble breaking out the soldering iron and getting to work yet when it involves my car there is nothing I'd less rather do. You'd think that I would be able to apply those skills learned in computer electronics to car electronics but alas I am not. If you put wheels on it my desire to tinker around with it and think about it is instantly cut in half.

One thing that struck me about the mechanic I dealt with is that everyone at his shop was just kinda rude. I walked in and was ignored for at least four or five minutes until someone finally acknowledged me and yelled out someone's name. Then a mechanic sauntered over to me and took my money, giving me a receipt.

Another thing that struck me is that none of this really seemed that unusual. It seems to be perfectly acceptable in that line of work to be rude to your customers, keep them waiting, not return their phone calls and mildly insult them when something is wrong with their cars. Customer service doesn't seem to have to exist at all in that field. No one questions it. Everyone just considers it normal that this happens. I wasn't shocked by rude service, it seemed totally normal. Maybe one of the reasons I hate getting my car fixed even when there's something wrong with it is that on top of being really expensive I know I'm going to be insulted. Who wants that?

So my preferred method of dealing with car problems is ignoring them until my car becomes unusable. Then, when I can't bear it any longer, I take the plunge and have a mechanic insult me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today is my birthday. This is the first birthday where it hasn't been gray and rainy and cold that I can remember. It's kinda sad because I actually prefer it to be gray, cold and rainy. Maybe that's why I enjoy that weather so much, because I associate it with my birthday--a happy time where I will get Star Wars action figures.

This year I could sense that a surprise party was brewing. Normally it is easy to detect because at some point right before my birthday all my friends start acting really secretive, odd and out of character. Couple this with the fact that I generally try not to ever leave the house and that makes for a tough job of throwing a surprise part for me.

This year I was pretty surprised.

I went up to Boston to see Paul, Laura, Jacques and Steve with Jen and Chris. When I walked in I saw Jacques hiding under the couch cushion and everyone yelled, "Surprise!" It wasn't that surprising but it was really nice and we watched a movie called Time Guardian.

After some hours we had to head back to get Chris to work. As I entered my apartment and reached for the light switch I just happened to notice something in the dark. I saw several silhouettes in the darkness, standing their like shadowy specters of doom. As my hand hit the light switch and I realized that there were all of these shadowy figures mysteriously in my kitchen I instinctively shrieked like a 5-year-old girl that just got a frog put in her dress. I also leaped backwards about five feet. I now understand why they tend to not do that to people with heart conditions since I almost crapped my pants. As I cut the cake my hands were still shaking.

All in all the party was a lot of fun and they certainly duped my good. Plus I got lots of presents! Check out what I got:

• A gift certificate to my favorite restaurant!


• A case of my favorite Burton's Sweetmeal Digestive Biscuits!


• The first season of Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD!


• Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman!


• A subscription to Wired magazine!


• Anti-RIAA stickers!


• Flavor of the Week by Tucker Shaw!


• Xbox magazines imported from Europe!


• A fistfull of cash!


• A fistfull of checks!


• Two ice cream cakes!

With the money I plan on getting Grand Theft Auto III Double Pack Wednesday when it release it for the Xbox. :-)

I will also get my car fixed. :-(

I have added a new forums section to the site! Check out the forums here. They are, so far, divided into three sections.

General Chat
A forum where you can discuss anything you'd like including the posts I make here on this site.

Crappy News
A forum dedicated to discussing the lame things I find in the News.

Star Wars
A forum to circumvent the hundreds of email I get from Star Wars fans either agreeing or disagreeing with the things I've said about the new movies.

You can register an account here or post as a guest if you wish to be lame. ;-)