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01/13/2003 Archived Entry: "Scenes From New York"

This weekend was wonderful and Jen was, as always, a delight. We went to the Statue of Liberty on Saturday and stood outside in the blistering cold, then took the ferry in the blistering cold and then walked around the Statue of Liberty in the blistering cold. Then we waited for the ferry to go back in the windy blistering cold.

Jen and I had a debate over whether or not the Statue of Liberty has (or should have) breasts. It was kinda left open-ended but I think she won. From our vantage point on the ground it was difficult to tell but recreations of Lady Liberty seem to prove conclusively that she is stacked. Jen says that she is "busty".

On Sunday we went to the most unusual store on the face of the Earth. It's called B & H and it is a store that sells a wonderful assortment of cameras, video equipment and such that is conveniently located next door to Jen's apartment.

Here's how things work at B & H:

  1. First you find what you want and notice that you can't take it off the shelf because it is bolted down. You must then memorize a complex alphanumeric sequence on a card.

  2. Then you stand in line for ten minutes to tell a guy the sequence that you have memorized. He prints up a slip and you bring that with you to another line.

  3. After waiting ten minutes in line the clerk adds whatever was on that slip to whatever else you want. He then prints up a new slip for you.

  4. You take that slip and then wait in a what appears to be a checkout line for ten minutes.

  5. The guy at the checkout line then tells you that you can't pay because things are in your girlfriend's name. So your girlfriend pays instead. Then they give you the merchandise.

  6. Just kidding! Then you to another line for ten minutes with your new slip and THEN they give you the merchandise.

Having said that it should be mentioned that it is the most amazing store I've ever been in. There are somewhere between 50 and 150 employees swarming around. Jen says 150 and is most likely right; I say there are 50 because like a pre-cognitive infant I am unable to acknowledge that there can exist more employees than are in my sight at any given moment.

The store is absolutely packed with customers, the likes of which no one anywhere has ever witnessed. They have a card table set up in the middle of the store with complimentary soda and--dare I say--candy corn.

On Sunday we went to the Empire State building and rode two elevators to the observation deck. It was twice as windy as it was at Liberty Island and I took a series of pictures featuring Jen covering her ears with her mittens while her hair blows around wildly, covering her face entirely. While I think they are adorable I have sworn on my life to never show them to another living soul so I can't post them here.

After an action packed 48 hours in Manhattan I returned to Rhode Island and my shabby apartment. Inspired by my return home I wrote a one act play about my triumphant return home.

Click here to read Blathan's Homecoming.

This play is, of course, PURELY fiction and does not in any way reflect actual events that took place when I returned home.

Enjoy.

Replies: 12 People Love Me!


Blathan's Homecoming was top notch.

Posted by Paul @ 01/15/2003 11:36 AM EST

Thank you. Jacques isn't the only playwright in the family!

Posted by Chefelf.com @ 01/15/2003 12:54 PM EST

Um...the play. I can only imagine my own housemate discovering the 1000 channels and 4 of nothing but porn. The idea makes my mind boggle. Or perhaps it's the unconditionally hot weather for February today.

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