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06/07/2002 Archived Entry: "Java Jive"

In February I had the brilliant idea that I would stop drinking anything that contained bad chemicals, whether they were natural or not. This meant that I could no longer consume soda, alcohol or coffee. I figured that the problem spot would be the soda. I had been consuming somewhere in the area of 3-6 sodas daily for the past 15 years. Alcohol was an occasional indulgence and I had only been drinking coffee for about three months.

The first three days I spent on my caffeine free diet I experienced splitting headaches and misery. After time the headaches subsided but I was left with nothing but unhappiness and crusty eyes. My eyes felt heavy as if I were a tired cartoon dog animated by the Warner Brothers. People around me were all drinking alcohol and soda and I didn't care at all but every time someone sipped a coffee in my presence I felt a craving that I could barely control. I managed to go a full three months before I finally gave in and had a coffee.

The feeling was exhilarating! I found myself feeling genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. There is no doubt as to how incredibly addicted to coffee I had become in such a short amount of time. I could care less if I never have a beer again. Soda can go to hell. I just want my coffee. I love the java jive and it loves me.

There is no doubt that there is heroine in coffee, that much is clear. The real question is this: Do I care? Of course not. Even if I knew for a fact that I could only live another six months if I continued to drink coffee I would still drink it. There is no possible way I will ever be able to lead a happy life without coffee in it. If you are reading this and you are NOT a coffee drinker then you may be currently leading an unhappy life and not even know about it!

If there is a Dunkin' Donuts in your neighborhood, simply drive past it to the Honeydew and get yourself a large coffee, you'll be glad you did.

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